Ban hammers and baseball bats, not another White House petition….

‘Did you know that in 2005, the number of murders committed with a rifle was 445, while the number of murders committed with hammers and clubs was 605’

 No actually, I didn’t Joshua. But did you know a hammer and a baseball bat is some what fucking easier to come by?


Let me give you an example. Take a 14 year old American boy. Loves baseball. Has a bat and can buy one. Has access to a hammer because who’s dad doesn’t own a fucking toolkit, but has to be 18 to buy a rifle? 



But lets say this little lad’s a smart little thug, and watches as much Sons of Anarchy as I do. Then he’ll know about gun serial numbers. But when it comes to baseball bats and hammers, there’s no need to scratch off the serial number! WIN.

 Armed with some truly dramatic statistics Joshua K is attempting to push through a petition on the White House website to get baseball bats and hammers banned. For example, in 2011, 323 murders were committed with a rifle and 496 with a bat or hammer. 


Woah, that’s a whole difference of 173. This is something definitely worth looking into after we’re done looking into heart disease, the noro virus and things armed with statistics that actually fucking mean something, and after we solve that whole vending machine fiasco!? Just who is pushing those machines….



With that sort of monumental difference I’m really sure Joshua’s on to something here. Truly hitting the nail on the head, well in this case trying to stop hitting heads with hammers and hammers with…..this really was going somewhere…..


Either way, jokes aside, lets ban hammers and bats because less people die from rifles, it seems pretty legit. Then handymen and baseball players can just use rifles to continue their professional work. And once bats and hammers are gone, I’m sure those who used those tools as weapons to murder are clearly too clueless to look for any other weapon. It’s not like there any similar things that could cause so much damage, say I don’t know – a 4×4 plank of wood, a metal railing, police baton, wrench or even a handgun?

 Or maybe after we take these mental people’s bats and hammers away from them, they might start using rifles – then we can ban rifles. And when we take that away, they too might start trying to kill people with next to retarded White House petitions, that lack logic, sense and leave the majority of viewers feeling rather nostalgic for a time before the White House Petition page existed, before idiots actually thought they could change law.


Oh i should also make the point, and I’m sorry for everyone who found it already so obvious. Buts rifles kill more people than hammers and baseball bats.





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